Bedtime fading: How to gently move your child’s bedtime earlier
Is your toddler or child awake much later in the evening than you would like? I have worked with plenty of families that were happy with their children staying up late as it meant they lay in the next morning, giving everyone a relaxed start to the day. However, once school time hit, this routine was no longer possible and everyone in the family was feeling stressed and shattered and grumpy.
If this situation resonates with you, then bedtime fading could be the key to helping you achieve a much more reasonable bedtime.
What is bedtime fading?
Bedtime fading is a technique used to gradually move a child’s bedtime earlier by shifting their sleep schedule in small steps. Instead of suddenly asking your child to go to sleep much earlier, bedtime fading slowly adjusts their body clock over a number of days or weeks until you reach your desired bedtime.
It’s ideal for children who need bedtime moving a lot earlier than they are currently falling asleep as it helps to slowly shift their whole body clock over a number of days or weeks.
As it is a very gradual process compared to just shifting it totally all in one go, you should see a lot less kick back which makes it a fairly stress free process.
Many parents search for ways to move their child’s bedtime earlier or wonder how to fix a child who stays up too late every night, and bedtime fading is one of the most effective and gentle approaches.
Signs your child’s bedtime is too late
It’s not always obvious that bedtime has drifted later than your child’s body really needs. Sometimes it happens gradually over time, especially during school holidays or after a busy period of life when routines get a bit looser.
Some signs your child’s bedtime may be too late include:
They seem very tired, grumpy or emotional in the evenings
Mornings are a struggle and they are very hard to wake for school
They fall asleep easily in the car or during quiet moments in the day
They often get a “second wind” late in the evening and suddenly seem wired
They struggle to focus or seem unusually irritable during the day
When bedtime drifts too late, children can become overtired, which often makes it harder for them to settle calmly in the evening and can sometimes lead to more night waking.
If you’re noticing these patterns, gently shifting bedtime earlier using bedtime fading can help bring your child’s sleep schedule back into a healthier rhythm.
Why sleep timing matters
Sleep is controlled by two systems in the body: the circadian rhythm (our internal body clock) and sleep pressure, which builds up the longer we stay awake during the day. When bedtime lines up well with these systems, children usually fall asleep more easily and stay asleep more consistently through the night. But when bedtime drifts much later than their natural sleep window, children can become overtired, which can actually make it harder for them to settle calmly. Bedtime fading works by gradually shifting sleep timing back into a window where the body is naturally ready for sleep.
How to implement bedtime fading for your child
1. Assess your child’s current sleep schedule and bedtime: First take a note of your child’s current wake and sleep times for a few days to find out on average what time they seem to fall asleep and wake up.
2. Work out your ideal bedtime: Use this average sleep needs table to note how much sleep your child should be getting on average. Some children have lower sleep needs, and some have higher, so factor in which you think your child is. Then work out what time they realistically need to get up in the morning for school or activities. Work back from there with the ideal amount of sleep your child needs to determine their ideal bedtime.
For example, if your child is 5 years old, they need between 10-13 hours of sleep on average. If you determine your child needs about 11 hours and they need to get up at 7am for school, their ideal bedtime would be 8pm.
You’ll also want to think about your family routines – you’ll struggle to aim for a 7pm bedtime if you’re only back from clubs at 6pm and still need to fit in dinner. So, make it a realistic target. It can always be shifted earlier if your child still seems tired and you decide you need to prioritise sleep over clubs for a while.
3. Create a relaxing bedtime routine: Once you have worked out your child’s ideal bedtime, you need to work on making sure you have a consistent calming routine that takes around 45 minutes each evening. If you’re struggling with getting the bedtime routine down to this time, I have a good article here you may find helpful.
At the beginning of starting sleep fading, you’ll start the bedtime routine about an hour before the time they usually fall asleep (you would hopefully have determined this in step 1). This means they should be in bed with the lights out 15 minutes before they usually fall asleep. So, for example, if your child is falling asleep on average around 10pm, you’d aim to start the bedtime routine at 9pm so they were in bed with the lights out at 9.45 and falling asleep at 10pm.
4. Set a small, gradual change: Once you’ve got them falling asleep within 15 minutes of the end of the routine, shift the bedtime routine 15 minutes earlier. So, with the example above, you’d now start the bedtime routine at 8.45. Do this for a couple of nights and then shift bedtime earlier by 15 minutes again every couple of nights until you get to your desired bedtime.
What if my child takes a long time to fall asleep?
If your child is going to sleep a lot later than you’d like because they’re messing around or fighting bedtime, then I would first work on making the bedtime routine more consistent and calm. My Bedtime Battles and Night wakes guide can be helpful for implementing this.
Create a sleep environment that helps your child fall asleep
The summer months can make children fall asleep later than expected as the lighter evenings can mess with their circadian rhythm. Sticking black bin liners to the window with painter’s tape can be really helpful in blocking out some of the late evening and early morning sun to improve sleepiness. If you’d like something a bit more permanent, then I can highly recommend these two options for black out blinds Gro blinds and Bloc Blinds.
During the summer months, the heat can also cause children to struggle to fall asleep as easily. We tend to sleep best in temperatures between 16-18 degrees which is often a lot cooler than we expect. It’s hard to achieve in the summer, but keeping blinds closed and windows open as much as possible in the day can be helpful in cooling the room. Also, wearing cotton pyjamas and light bedding can be helpful.
If you have a busy house or live on a noisy street, the sound can prevent children from falling asleep easily. Therefore, using white noise in their room can be helpful to block out background sounds. There are many white noise tracks on streaming sites which can be played through a phone or Bluetooth speaker. If you’d like something more permanent, this is a great white noise machine that we have used for years in our house.
I’ve tried all this but my child is still going to sleep a lot later than I’d like
If you’ve tried the steps above and your child is still struggling to fall asleep earlier, there may be other factors affecting their sleep. Please feel free to get in touch and we can discuss ways that I could help get to the bottom of what’s going on.
Frequently asked questions about bedtime fading
-
Bedtime fading usually takes between a few days and a couple of weeks, depending on how much earlier you are trying to move bedtime. The key is making small changes of around 15 minutes every few nights so your child’s body clock has time to adjust.
-
Yes. Bedtime fading can work for toddlers, preschoolers and school-aged children who are staying up later than their sleep needs allow.
-
If your child is still taking a long time to fall asleep, it may be worth looking at their bedtime routine, sleep environment, or whether they are getting enough physical activity and daylight during the day. If you’ve checked all of these, then a chat with your GP could help to pinpoint the cause.